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Scott Alden of dating site How About We looks at the absurdity of sexual shaming language.
“Slut” is a funny word. Not funny haha, but funny strange. The meaning and the power of the word change drastically depending on who’s using it and who’s being addressed. Among some women friends, “slut” has become almost a term of endearment. Some like to be called a slut in sexual situations because it turns them on. The word has even been re-purposed as a symbol of power and the freedom to have sex with who they want to, when they want to (e.g., The Ethical Slut or Toronto’s recent Slutwalk).
Now, maybe it’s the result of backlash against political correctness. Maybe it’s confusion. Possibly, it’s just straight-up douchebaggery. But it seems that men (and women, too) are still using the word “slut” as a means of shaming and judging women for their sexual practices and style of dress.
The Gloss anonymously interviewed seven men from different walks of life, asking each, “What makes a woman a slut?” and posted the results yesterday. Among the indications of sluttiness cited were:
- How many people she sleeps with a year
Dressing “trashy”
Sleeping with multiple men at one time
Not waiting long enough to sleep with a guy
Having sex with them on a first date
Wha? You’d call a woman a slut because she slept with you?
Aside from the obvious double-standard, the centuries of sexual repression and shaming women for daring to have a sex drive, and the host of other reasons that a statement like this is unfair, irresponsible and cowardly, you are contributing to a hostile and fearful dating environment.
If you don’t like the choices a woman makes about whom she sleeps with and when, you are more than welcome not to sleep with her. But to continue to judge single women for having the audacity to sleep with who they want to—something that single men are generally congratulated for—is to perpetuate an antagonistic dynamic between the sexes that has seen its day.
If the ethical argument is lost on you here, think of it this way, guys: does it really benefit you to make women feel hesitant to express their sexuality?
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This post first appeared on The Date Report, the companion blog to dating site HowAboutWe.com. It’s a place where they even use Cyrano as a verb, as in, Vocab Lessons: Have You Ever Cyrano’d for Someone?
Scott Alden is a staff writer at HowAboutWe. He spends the majority of his time thinking about dating, writing about dating and, sometimes,actually dating. He lives in New York City.
The post If You’d Sleep With Her, You Can’t Call Her a Slut appeared first on The Good Men Project.